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The graph gives information about unemployment rate for adults between 2000 and the present day.

The graph gives information about unemployment rate for adults between 2000 and the present day. 9BPrn
The line chart demonstrated how the percentage of unemployed adults changed over the period of around 20 years. In general, it could be seen that the jobless ratio for college graduates and high-school leavers both had dramatic increase from 2000 to nowadays. It was also noticeable that the unemployment proportion of people who completed course at university always less than that of high-school leavers. At the start of the period given, the proportion of people without job who was high-school leavers was roughly twice as much as that of graduated adults. In the time of 7 years after that, the levels of high-school leavers unemployment increased to approximate 6%, then suddenly dropped to 4%. The year 2009 witnessed a dramatic development to 9% in the rate of that group. Likewise, in the same period, despite some fluctuations, the graduated unemployment had an increase of 4 percent. From 2009 to the present day, there had a contrast movement between two groups. While the high-school leavers ‘s ratio continued to increase and reached a peak at 10%, that of the graduated people quickly decreased to around 4%.
The line chart demonstrated how the percentage of unemployed adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
over the period of around 20 years.

In general
, it could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the jobless ratio for college graduates and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-school
leavers both had dramatic increase from 2000 to nowadays. It was
also
noticeable that the unemployment proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who completed course at university always less than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-school
leavers.

At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of the period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
, the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
without job who was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-school
leavers was roughly twice as much as that of graduated adults. In the time of 7 years after that, the levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-school
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "leavers'" or "leaver's"?
leavers
unemployment increased to approximate 6%, then
suddenly
dropped to 4%. The year 2009 witnessed a dramatic development to 9% in the rate of that group.
Likewise
, in the same period, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations, the graduated unemployment had an increase of 4 percent.

From 2009 to the present day, there had a contrast movement between two groups. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-school
Did you mean "leaver‘s" or "leavers‘"?
leavers ‘s
ratio continued to increase and reached a peak at 10%, that of the graduated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
quickly
decreased to around 4%.
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IELTS academic The graph gives information about unemployment rate for adults between 2000 and the present day.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
185 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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