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amount of trips made by children aged 5-12 every year between 1990 and 2010

amount of trips made by children aged 5-12 every year between 1990 and 2010 rbRao
The chart demonstrates the amount of trips made by children aged 5-12 every year between 1990 and 2010 in order to get to school and back home using different types of transports Overall, the chart shows that each category changed per year. It is given that in 1990 children used the transports the most. In 2010 almost 12 millions of children visted school and went back home as a car passenger. However, a slightly more than 12 million children walked to school. The least popular transport in the 1990s was using cars, apparantly 4. 2 millions of pupils used it. According the graph cycling, walking and bus, and bus were stable. In the beginning of the 21st century cycling was the least used transport. From time to time children started walking less. The third popular transport in 2010 was bus as it is given in the chart 4. 5 millions of young people chose to use this transport.
The chart demonstrates the amount of trips made by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
aged 5-12 every year between 1990 and 2010 in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to school and back home using
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different
types of transports

Overall
, the chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that each category
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
per year. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that in 1990
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children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the
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transports
the most.

In 2010 almost 12
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millions
of
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children
Possible spelling mistake found.
visted
school and went back home as a car passenger.
However
, a
slightly
more than 12
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million
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children
walked to school. The least popular
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transport
in the 1990s was using cars,
Possible spelling mistake found.
apparantly
4. 2
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millions
of pupils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
it.
It appears that a preposition is missing after 'According'.
According the
graph cycling, walking and bus, and bus were stable. In the beginning of the 21st century cycling was the least
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
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transport
. From time to time
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children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
walking less. The third popular
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transport
in 2010 was bus as it is
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given
in the chart 4. 5
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millions
of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
chose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this
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transport
.
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IELTS academic amount of trips made by children aged 5-12 every year between 1990 and 2010

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
158 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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