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the graph gives information about the home runs made by two hitters between 1960 and 1964

the graph gives information about the home runs made by two hitters between 1960 and 1964 RNAjP
The line graph depicts how many runs hitters made an interval of five years from 1956 to 1964. A quick glance is enough to reveal that the second hitter took a lead throughout the given period with a bit drop. To begin with, in 1960, the first hitter made 30 homeruns, while the second one performed 20 homeruns. The following year witness decline in both trends, as the former halved and the latter decreased by 5 homeruns. However, there was a growth in both figures in 1962, the hitter 1 showcased a dramatic rise to 25 runs, whereas the hitter 2 grew only to 20 runs, and increase gradually until reaching its highest point at 30 runs in end of the shown years which went back same number as five years ago. While the first hitter hits its lowest point at 10 runs in 1963, which was followed by a significant rise to 25 runs in 1964.
The line graph depicts how
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many
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runs
hitters made an interval of five years from 1956 to 1964.

A quick glance is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to reveal that the second hitter took a lead throughout the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period with a bit drop.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in 1960, the
first
hitter made 30
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homeruns
, while the second one performed 20
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homeruns
. The following
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year
witness decline in both trends, as the former halved and the latter decreased by 5
Possible spelling mistake found.
homeruns
.
However
, there was a growth in both figures in 1962, the hitter 1 showcased a dramatic rise to 25
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runs
, whereas the hitter 2 grew
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
runs
, and increase
gradually
until reaching its highest point at 30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
runs
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the shown years which went back same number as five years ago. While the
first
hitter hits its lowest point at 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
runs
in 1963, which
was followed
by a significant rise to 25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
runs
in 1964.
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IELTS academic the graph gives information about the home runs made by two hitters between 1960 and 1964

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
157 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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