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The graphical representation depicts the process of making steel rods in the furniture industry.

The graphical representation depicts the process of making steel rods in the furniture industry. JoRlj
The graphical representation depicts the process of making steel rods in the furniture industry. There are eleven steps involve from collecting raw materials to inspecting the manufactured steel rod. First of all, iron ore, yellow ore and carbon are collected as a raw material. The raw materials are melted in melting slit at an excessive temperature of 1300 to 1500 degree Celsius. After that the melted material is transferred to Smelting cabin for refinement. Following that, the candescent metal is poured into ingots using Pouring machine. This step is called Ingot pour. In addition to the ingots are connected to a cooling reservoir where temperature is at 60 to 100 degree Celsius. Then the step involve is rolling in which the strands of cooled metal is given a space with the help of rollers. In the next step, rolled metal is given a heat treatment in heating machine. Subsequently, the product is completes a surface check utilizing measuring automation. Following that the product is given a particular size using special cutter. An individual identity is set for the steel rods in process called ID stamping. Lastly, an inspection is done to check the durability and brutal strength of the steel rods. To summarize the manufacturing process of steel rod, the first five steps involves making of steel product from raw materials, where as last six steps includes spacing, sizing and quality check of the produced rods.
The graphical representation depicts the process of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rods
in the furniture industry. There are eleven
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steps
involve from collecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
to inspecting the manufactured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
rod.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, iron ore, yellow ore and carbon
are collected
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
are melted
in melting slit at an excessive temperature of 1300 to 1500 degree Celsius. After that the melted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
is transferred
to Smelting cabin for refinement. Following that, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
candescent
metal
is poured
into ingots using Pouring machine. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
step
is called
Ingot pour.
In addition
to the ingots
are connected
to a cooling reservoir where temperature is at 60 to 100 degree Celsius. Then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
step
involve is rolling in which the strands of cooled metal is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a space with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of rollers.

In the
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
step
, rolled metal is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a heat treatment in heating machine.
Subsequently
, the product is completes a surface
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
utilizing measuring automation. Following that the product is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a particular size using special cutter. An individual identity
is set
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rods
in process called ID stamping.
Lastly
, an inspection
is done
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the durability and brutal strength of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
rods.

To summarize
the manufacturing process of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rod
, the
first
five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steps
involves making of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
product from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
,
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
last six
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steps
includes spacing, sizing and quality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
of the produced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rods
.
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IELTS academic The graphical representation depicts the process of making steel rods in the furniture industry.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
236 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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