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Number of visitors to Lovre, Vatican, London Science, and Sengen Museum

Number of visitors to Lovre, Vatican, London Science, and Sengen Museum pRQ6m
The graph illustrates the quantity of visitors to four international museums (Lovre, Vatican, London Science, and Sengen Museum) from 1980 to 2015. Units are measured in millions. Overall, it can be observed that the number of visitors to three of the museums (Vatican, London Science and Sengen) was around of each other at the beginning of the graph given. But number of visitors to Vatican museums increased while London Science museum decreased in period given. For Louvre, number of vivitors was slightly under 8M in 1980. The the number increased steadily and peacked at around 9M. The graph showed faluctuation and hit approximately 9. 5M at the end of the period. Visitors to Shengen museum was around under 4M in 1981. Catican Museums got around 5M visitors in 1980. The quantity of visitors rose steadily and never saw a fall where London Science museum had slightly over 4M visitors in 1981. Afterwards, it witnessed a drop in the number of visitors around 3. 3M to 1990. This fall for the London Science museum continued and hit a low of around 2. 1M in 2015
The graph illustrates the quantity of
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visitors
to four international
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museums
(
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Lovre
, Vatican, London
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Science
, and
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Sengen
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Museum)
from 1980 to 2015. Units
are measured
in millions.

Overall
, it can
be observed
that the
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number
of
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visitors
to three of the
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museums
(Vatican, London
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Science
and
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Sengen
) was
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around
of each other at the beginning of the graph
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given
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
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number
of
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visitors
to Vatican
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museums
increased while London
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Science
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museum
decreased in period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

For Louvre,
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number
of
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vivitors
was
slightly
under 8M in 1980.
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "The" or "the" is left.
The the
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number
increased
steadily
and
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peacked
at
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around
9M. The graph
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showed
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faluctuation
and hit approximately 9. 5M at the
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end
of the period.
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Visitors
to
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Shengen
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museum
was
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around
under 4M in 1981.
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Catican
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Museums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
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around
5M
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visitors
in 1980. The quantity of
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visitors
rose
steadily
and never
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saw
a fall where London
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Science
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museum
had
slightly
over 4M
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visitors
in 1981. Afterwards, it witnessed a drop in the
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number
of
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visitors
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around
3. 3M to 1990. This fall for the London
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Science
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museum
continued and hit a low of
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around
2. 1M in 2015
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IELTS academic Number of visitors to Lovre, Vatican, London Science, and Sengen Museum

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
183 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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