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The graph demonstrate the number of cell phone service and residential phone service per year in one decade.

The graph demonstrate the number of cell phone service and residential phone service per year in one decade. dqMq6
The graph demonstrate the number of cell phone service and residential phone service per year in one decade. Overall, it is clearly seen that these two services were obviously different. Residential phone services were boomed in 2001, but did not remain steady. On the others hand, cell phone services were not in demanded in the beginning. However, it was became popular in finally. In 2001, the cell phone services were started from 200$, then moderately rise 100$ in one year. In 2003 was the peakiest year of these, because there were significantly increased from 300$ to 600$ in 2007, then continue slowly climbed. In contrast, residential services were began at approximately 690$ and started go down immediately. Decreasing from 690$ to around 400$ in 2010, Moreover, there was no sign of stopping. The interested information was in 2006, the amount of expenditures of both services are have the same sold.
The graph
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "demonstrates".
demonstrate
the number of cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
and residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
per year in one decade.

Overall
, it is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
were
obviously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. Residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
were boomed
in 2001,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
did not remain steady. On the others hand, cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
were not
Adverb repetition. Please, verify.
in demanded in
the beginning.
However
, it was
Consider using a past participle here: "become".
became
popular in
finally
.

In 2001, the cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$200".
200$
, then
moderately
rise
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$100".
100$
in one year. In 2003 was the
Possible spelling mistake found.
peakiest
year of these,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there were
significantly
increased from
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$300".
300$
to
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$600".
600$
in 2007, then continue
slowly
climbed.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
contrast, residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
were
Consider using a past participle here: "begun".
began
at approximately
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$690".
690$
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
go down immediately. Decreasing from
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$690".
690$
to around
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$400".
400$
in 2010,
Moreover
, there was no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of stopping.

The interested information was in 2006, the amount of expenditures of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
are
Consider using a past participle here: "had".
have
the same sold.

IELTS academic The graph demonstrate the number of cell phone service and residential phone service per year in one decade.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
150 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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