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Bar graph depicts the data between different men and women with employment status enjoyed per week during 1989 and 1999

Bar graph depicts the data between different men and women with employment status enjoyed per week during 1989 and 1999 KWOG6
The supplied vertical bar graph depicts the data from 1989 to 1999 and the amount of spare time that the men and women with different employment status had enjoyed per week during those 10 years. Having a myopic look at the graph it is evident that man who were unemployed and retired enjoyed about 81 hours per week as leisure time. Similarly, the females who did not have any job or retired remained free for 72 hours in a week. On the other hand housewives enjoyed 52 hours in a week as a free time. Moving further, it can be seen that males and females who were doing full time job enjoyed 47hours and 38 hours as a spare time respectively. Moreover, females who were employed as part time work remained free 40hours hours in a week males, on the other hand did not have leisure time to enjoy. Hence, it is lucid that females with different employment status enjoyed more leisure time as compared to males. Males with part-time did not have enough right to remain free.
The supplied vertical bar graph depicts the data from 1989 to 1999 and the amount of spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
employment status had
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enjoyed
per
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week
during those 10 years.

Having a myopic look at the graph it is evident that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were unemployed
and retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyed
about 81
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
as leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Similarly
, the
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females
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
did not have any job or retired remained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
for 72
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
.
On the other hand
housewives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyed
52
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
time.

Moving
further
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were doing full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
47hours
and 38
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
as a spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
respectively
.
Moreover
,
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females
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were employed
as part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
work remained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
40hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
,
on the other hand
did not have leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to enjoy.

Hence
, it is lucid that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
employment status
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyed
more leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Males
with part-time did not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
right to remain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
.
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IELTS academic Bar graph depicts the data between different men and women with employment status enjoyed per week during 1989 and 1999

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
178 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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