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The graph compares the rates of work occupied by people from Province A and Province B in England. Summarize the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The graph compares the rates of work occupied by people from Province A and Province B in England. Summarize the main features and make comparisons where relevant 0A1y5
The graph compares the rates of work occupied by people from Province A and Province B in England. It can be seen that the rate of business and domestic service are similar. It takes most of the rates in both chart. In Province A, it can be clearly seen that the proportion of business accounted for 70% in the chart. On the contrary, the account for this off balance proportion also reduced the remaining groups. Specifically, the architecture was just 20% and domestic service dropped to 8%. However, the other work much less than those from architecture and domestic service. Especially, in the business field. In Province B, it's also the rate hasn't stable, it kept transformation. The proportion of domestic service accounted for 67% in the chart. On the other hand, architecture clarified to 20% and business dropped to 3%. In conclusion, we can see the dramatic rate in both province. It steadily went up in business at Province A and in Domestic service at Province B.
The graph compares the
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rates
of work occupied by
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people
from
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Province
A and
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Province
B in England. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
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rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and
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domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
are similar. It takes most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
in both chart. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Province
A, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
accounted for 70% in the chart.
On the contrary
, the account for this off balance proportion
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the remaining groups.
Specifically
, the architecture was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
20% and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
dropped to 8%.
However
, the other work much less than those from architecture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
.
Especially
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
field. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Province
B, it's
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
hasn't stable, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
transformation. The proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
accounted for 67% in the chart.
On the other hand
, architecture clarified to 20% and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
dropped to 3%.
In conclusion
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the dramatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
province
. It
steadily
went up in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Province
A and in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Province
B.

IELTS academic The graph compares the rates of work occupied by people from Province A and Province B in England. Summarize the main features and make comparisons where relevant

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
168 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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