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The graph below shows US consumers' average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010.

The graph below shows US consumers' average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010. qVeLp
The line graph illustrates the maximun number of Americanusing cell phone and residential phone services in one decade time. Overall, it is clearly see that the proportion of expendition on cell phone was starting at the lowest point, however it continuing to increase year by year, and it exceed to the hight amount of expense by the end of hte period. Looking closer to cell phone, it was started budget with just $200 in a year to 300 dollars in 2002, by the following year, it remained stable for entire year. From 2003 through 2007, it amount money, which used on cell phone was grew significantly to $600, it still continuing to increase throughout the period, above $700 in 2010. On the other hand, Residential phone services, even American spent $700 year on Residential phone services, while, it declined quite marginally until 2007, and stood at just under500 dollars, from 2007 to 2010, there was a slighly decreased, final expenditure that US comusmer spent were about $400 dollar a year.
The line graph illustrates the
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maximun
number of
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Americanusing
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cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
and residential
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phone
services in one decade time.

Overall
, it is
clearly
Consider using a past participle here: "seen".
see
that the proportion of
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expendition
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
was starting at the lowest point,
however
Did you mean "it's continuing", "it is continuing", or "it was continuing"?
it continuing
to increase
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year
by
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year
, and it
Did you mean "exceeds"?
exceed
to the
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hight
amount of expense by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of
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hte
period.

Looking closer to
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cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, it was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
budget with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
$200 in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
to 300 dollars in 2002, by the following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, it remained stable for entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. From 2003 through 2007, it
Did you mean "amounts"?
amount
money, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
was grew
significantly
to $600, it
still
continuing to increase throughout the period, above $700 in 2010.

On the other hand
, Residential
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phone
services, even American spent $700
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
on Residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
services, while, it declined quite
marginally
until 2007, and stood at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under500 dollars, from 2007 to 2010, there was a
Possible spelling mistake found.
slighly
decreased, final expenditure that US
Possible spelling mistake found.
comusmer
spent were about $400 dollar a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows US consumers' average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
170 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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