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The graph below shows the percentage of urban /suburban and rural household in a European country that had internet access between 1999 and 2004.

The graph below shows the percentage of urban /suburban and rural household in a European country that had internet access between 1999 and 2004. aN7d
The bar graph illustrates the information about the the proportion of urban and rural households internet access in a European country from 1999 and 2004. The data has been calibrated in percentage. Overall, it is clear that the ratio of urban households was increased in given year, whereas the proportion of rural household was lower as compared to suburban dwellers. It is evident from the bar graph that in 1999, the access of network connection was negligible in rural household, while around 15% household were registered in urban/suburban areas. Apart from this, there was repid increase of percenrage of accessing network in urban household, which was approximately 30% and there was 3% increase I rural household. Futhermore, the proportion of suburban/urban household in 2002, 2003 was almost similar with each other. While, the ratio of rural household was almost 15% and above 20% respectively. Moreover, in 2004, the proportion of urban and rural household was higheras comapred to others, that was around 55percent and nearly 35% respectively.
The bar graph illustrates the information about
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "households'" or "household's"?
households
internet access in a European country
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: "from 1999 to 2004"?
from 1999 and 2004
. The data has
been calibrated
in percentage.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
households
was increased
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
year, whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
was lower
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to suburban dwellers.

It is evident from the bar graph that in 1999, the access of network connection was negligible in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
, while around 15%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
were registered
in urban/suburban areas. Apart from this, there was
Possible spelling mistake found.
repid
increase of
Possible spelling mistake found.
percenrage
of accessing network in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
, which was approximately 30% and there was 3% increase I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
household.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of suburban/urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
in 2002, 2003 was almost similar with each other. While, the ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
was almost 15% and above 20%
respectively
.
Moreover
, in 2004, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
was
Possible spelling mistake found.
higheras
Possible spelling mistake found.
comapred
to others, that was around 55percent and
nearly
35%
respectively
.

IELTS academic The graph below shows the percentage of urban /suburban and rural household in a European country that had internet access between 1999 and 2004.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
167 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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