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The graph below shows the percentage of people visiting the cinema by age in great britain.

The graph below shows the percentage of people visiting the cinema by age in great britain. 5b0km
The given poly line graph depicts the information about the proportion of individuals who attended cinema between 1984 and 2003. Overall, it is clearly deduced from the graph that all cinema visitor showed an overall rising trend with some fluctuations. Moving to details, 20% of visitor went to cinema in 1984 from the age group of 15-24 the visitor percentage increased till last year 2003 with little bit fluctuations in betwwn the time period while, aged who belonged to 35 year old gave less preference to visit cinena the percentage of 35 age group was started from 1 but there was a slow increase in ratio of visitor it was accounted nearly 11 percent in 2003Probing further, in 1984 the percentile of visitor initilized from 14 of 7-14 age group it inclined and displayed some vicissitudes untill 2003 but proportion of cinema visitor illustrated an overall decling trend. where as, the age group 25-35 showed pposing trend of the age group 7-14
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
poly
line graph depicts the information about the proportion of individuals who attended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
between 1984 and 2003.
Overall
, it is
clearly
deduced from the graph that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
an
overall
rising trend with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations. Moving to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, 20% of
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visitor
went to
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cinema
in 1984 from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 15-24 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitor
percentage increased till last year 2003 with
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
fluctuations in
Possible spelling mistake found.
betwwn
the time period while, aged who belonged to 35 year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
gave less preference to visit
Possible spelling mistake found.
cinena
the percentage of 35
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from 1
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there was a slow increase in ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitor
it
was accounted
nearly
11 percent in 2003Probing
further
, in 1984 the percentile of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitor
Possible spelling mistake found.
initilized
from 14 of 7-14
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
it inclined and displayed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
vicissitudes
Possible spelling mistake found.
untill
2003
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
proportion of
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cinema
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitor
illustrated an
overall
Possible spelling mistake found.
decling
trend.
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
25-35
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
Possible spelling mistake found.
pposing
trend of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
7-14
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the percentage of people visiting the cinema by age in great britain.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
161 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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