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the graph below shows the percentage of people of different age group who went cinema once a moth in Great Britain. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown.

the graph below shows the percentage of people of different age group who went cinema once a moth in Great Britain. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown. gxOGA
he line graph illustrates the proportion of different aged group of people who went to cinema once a month in Great Britain, over a sixteen- year period, between 1984 and 2000. It is clear from the graph that all group of ages experienced a tremendous growth in the percentage. In addition, the ratio of people aged 7 to 14 and 25 to 35 experienced the same features as they both accounted for around 30% in 2020. From 1984 to 1994, albeit the proportion of people aged 7 to 35 saw a steady fluctuation, it rose dramatically. Moreover, in 1994, the ratio of people aged 7 to 14 accounted for 50%, which meant that it saw the highest proportion of people coming to theater once a month at that t. If we look at the percentage of people aged 35 to over the hill, it maintained the same level to somewhere in the vicinity of 5%. From 1994 to 2000, the percentage of people of all ages increased slightly due to the marked fluctuation. In addition, in 2020, the proportion of people aged 15 to 24 reached a peak of approximately 55%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "lines", "lined".
line
graph illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who went to cinema once a month in Great Britain, over a sixteen- year period, between 1984 and 2000.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the graph that all group of ages experienced a tremendous growth in the percentage.
In addition
, the ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
7 to 14 and 25 to 35 experienced the same features as they both accounted for around 30% in 2020.

From 1984 to 1994, albeit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
7 to 35
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a steady fluctuation, it rose
dramatically
.
Moreover
, in 1994, the ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
7 to 14 accounted for 50%, which meant that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
coming to theater once a month at that t. If we look at the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
35 to over the hill, it maintained the same level to somewhere in the vicinity of 5%.

From 1994 to 2000, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all ages increased
slightly
due to the marked fluctuation.
In addition
, in 2020, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
15 to 24
Possible agreement error. The noun 'reached' seems to be countable, so consider using: "reaches".
reached
a peak of approximately 55%.
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IELTS academic the graph below shows the percentage of people of different age group who went cinema once a moth in Great Britain. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
191 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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