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The proportion of visitors to London Museum : British Museum Science Museum and Natural History Museum

The proportion of visitors to London Museum: British Museum Science Museum and Natural History Museum 8xnxm
The line graph provides a comparison of the quantity of holiday goers who paid a visit to distinct London museums including British Museum, Science Museum and Natural History Museum over a four-month period in 2013 commencing June. Overall, it is obvious that the rate of tourists visiting British Museum increased while the opposite was true for Science Museum and Natural History Museum throughout the period. It is noteable that British Museum atracted the highest number of visitors among the three places. Standing at 600 thousands in June, the quantity of travellers was considerable higher that of Science Museum and Natural History Museum at around 400 thousands and 550 thousands respectively. Ober the following a month, the figure for visitors to British Museum rose sharply to reach the highest point at about 750 thousands, whereas the steady decreases were witnessed to 350thousands and 370 thousands in the rate of travellers to Science Museum and Natural History Museum respectively. Looking at the next two months, in August, there was a significantly fall of roughly 500 thousanda in the number of visitors to British Museum compared fo remaining unchanged at 370 thousands for Natural History Museum; however, both that of vistors increased gradually together to 650 thousands and 470 thousanda respectively in September. At the same period, the figure for travellers to Science Museum had the same progress which decreased continually at 290 thousands and eventually highest increased at around 450thouands.
The line graph provides a comparison of the quantity of holiday goers who paid a visit to distinct London
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museums
including British
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Museum
,
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Science
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Museum
and
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Natural
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History
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
over a four-month period in 2013 commencing June.

Overall
, it is obvious that the rate of tourists visiting British
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Museum
increased while the opposite was true for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
throughout the period. It is
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noteable
that British
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Museum
Possible spelling mistake found.
atracted
the highest number of visitors among the three places.

Standing at 600 thousands in June, the quantity of
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
was considerable higher that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
at around 400 thousands and 550 thousands
respectively
.
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Ober
the following a month, the figure for visitors to British
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Museum
rose
sharply
to reach the highest point at about 750 thousands, whereas the steady decreases
were witnessed
to 350thousands and 370 thousands in the rate of
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
respectively
.

Looking at the
next
two months, in August, there was a
You used an adverb ('significantly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('fall') instead of another adjective.
significantly fall
of roughly 500
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thousanda
in the number of visitors to British
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Museum
compared
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fo
remaining unchanged at 370 thousands for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
;
however
, both that of
Possible spelling mistake found.
vistors
increased
gradually
together to 650 thousands and 470
Possible spelling mistake found.
thousanda
respectively
in September. At the same period, the figure for
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
had the same progress which decreased
continually
at 290 thousands and
eventually
highest increased at around 450thouands.
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IELTS academic The proportion of visitors to London Museum: British Museum Science Museum and Natural History Museum

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
238 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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