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The graph below shows the percentage of people in different age groups in one city December 11, 2020 by IELTS

The graph below shows the percentage of people in different age groups in one city December 11, 2020 by IELTS LGD9V
The following line graph illustrates the proportion of different aged people attended music concerts from 2010 to 2015. At first glance, except 55-64 age group, all age groups appeared an upward trend. 45-54 age group people had the highest percentage went to the concert in 2010. Both 16-24 and 25-44 aged people had a similar figure with 40% attended the show, and the rest of the age groups recorded lower than 30% in the same year. 45-54 age group declined to 40% in the following year and inclined to around 54% in 2015. It is noticeable that from 2011 to 2015, the percentage of going to music shows of 16-24 aged people increase gradually from 57% to 70% that made it the most significant proportion among the five age groups. Both 25-44 and over 75 years old group experienced a similar trend between 2011 and 2015. The percentage of 25-44 and over 75 aged individuals decreased to 30% and 10% respectively and rose moderately to around 49% and 20% by 2015. On the contrary, for 55-64 age group, there was an upward patten between 2011 and 2013, followed by a fall from 2013 to 2015, which was much lower than at the beginning.
The following line graph illustrates the proportion of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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aged
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people
attended music concerts from 2010 to 2015. At
first
glance, except 55-64
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age
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group
, all
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age
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groups
appeared an upward trend.

45-54
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age
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group
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people
had the highest percentage went to the concert in 2010. Both 16-24 and 25-44
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aged
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people
had a similar figure with 40% attended the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
, and the rest of the
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age
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groups
recorded lower than 30% in the same year. 45-54
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
declined to 40% in the following year and inclined to around 54% in 2015.

It is noticeable that from 2011 to 2015, the percentage of going to music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
of 16-24
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aged
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people
increase
gradually
from 57% to 70% that made it the most significant proportion among the five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
. Both 25-44 and over 75 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
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group
experienced a similar trend between 2011 and 2015. The percentage of 25-44 and over 75
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aged
individuals decreased to 30% and 10%
respectively
and rose
moderately
to around 49% and 20% by 2015.
On the contrary
, for 55-64
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, there was an upward
Possible spelling mistake found.
patten
between 2011 and 2013, followed by a fall from 2013 to 2015, which was much lower than at the beginning.

IELTS academic The graph below shows the percentage of people in different age groups in one city December 11, 2020 by IELTS

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
203 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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