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people attending in seven different performances of artistic activities

people attending in seven different performances of artistic activities gxo1L
The bar chart compares the proportion of people attending in seven different performances of artistic activities divided by three age groups namely 15-19, 35-44, and 60 and over years old in Canada. Overall, it is clear that while concerts are the most popular art among people, Opera have the least enthusiast. Additionally, people aged 60 and over have less interest in participating in art events. In the terms of art events, concerts are the most lovable event for all ages. , and 15-to-19-year-olds with 50% of attendance consist the highest participation. Furthermore, theatrical and popular musical events are in the second place for groups aged under 44, while older group tend to take part in symphonic or classical events more than popular musical ones. Moreover, Opera, choral music, and dancing festivals have the least fan in all ages, having participation rate of less than 10 percent. in addition, people aged 60 and over involve themselves in choral music events more than tow other groups at about 9%, which is about 5 percent higher than the youngest group age.
The bar chart compares the proportion of
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people
attending in seven
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different
performances of artistic activities divided by three
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age
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groups
namely
15-19, 35-44, and 60 and over years
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old
in Canada.

Overall
, it is
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clear
that while concerts are the most popular art among
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people
, Opera have the least enthusiast.
Additionally
,
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people
aged 60 and over have less interest
Adverb repetition. Please, verify.
in participating in
art
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events
.

In the terms of art
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events
, concerts are the most lovable
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event
for all
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ages
.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
and 15-to-19-year-olds with 50% of attendance consist the highest participation.
Furthermore
, theatrical and popular musical
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events
are in the second place for
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groups
aged under 44, while older
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group
tend to
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take part
in symphonic or classical
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events
more than popular musical ones.

Moreover
, Opera, choral music, and dancing festivals have the least fan in all
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ages
, having participation rate of less than 10 percent.
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in
addition,
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people
aged 60 and over involve themselves in choral music
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events
more than tow other
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groups
at about 9%, which is about 5 percent higher than the youngest
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group
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age
.

IELTS academic people attending in seven different performances of artistic activities

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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