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The chart shows the information about salt intake in the US in 2000.

The chart shows the information about salt intake in the US in 2000. drWpX
We can see here that salt intake for male were constantly increasing from age under 6 to 20-29. Why? , it is probably caused by at old age it’s easy to get cholesterol. From the age of 40-60 used over 4 thousand milligrams of salt which is over the recommended adult salt intake. For the age over 60 they started taking serious of the recommended adult salt intake we can see over 60 averaged under 4 thousand milligrams of salt. For female under 6 is consuming below 1500 milligrams which is under the recommended salt intake. From 6-19 they consume 3thousand milligrams of salt which is good its over the recommended salt intake but not too far. And 20-39 is the highest point of consuming salt same as male. As they are getting older they reduce the dose of consuming salt from 3 thousand to 2500 milligrams of salt which is good right at the recommended dose
We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
here that
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salt
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intake
for male were
constantly
increasing from
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age
under 6 to 20-29. Why?
Loose punctuation mark.
,
it is
probably
caused by at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
it’s easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
cholesterol. From the
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age
of 40-60
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
4 thousand milligrams of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recommended
adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intake
. For the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
60 they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
taking serious of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recommended
adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intake
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
60 averaged under 4 thousand milligrams of salt.

For female under 6 is consuming below 1500 milligrams which is under the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recommended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intake
. From 6-19 they consume 3thousand milligrams of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recommended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intake
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not too far. And 20-39 is the highest point of consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
same as male.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
they are getting older they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the dose of consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
from 3 thousand to 2500 milligrams of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
right at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recommended
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
dose

IELTS academic The chart shows the information about salt intake in the US in 2000.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
156 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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