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The graph below shows the percentage of 18-25 year olds in the Universities in four different countries.

The graph below shows the percentage of 18-25 year olds in the Universities in four different countries. oNkg
The line chart illustrates the proportion of students aged 18-25 studying in universities of four different nations ( Singapore, Malaysia, Philippines and Thailand) from 1961 to 2011. From the cursory glance, it can be seen that majority of students enrolled in universities were in Singapore and Thailand. To begin with, in 1961, 15% students were enrolled in universities of Singapore while the proportion of pupils going to universities were steady increase over the period of one decades and reached to 30% in 1971. than, students going to universities proportion fluctuated from 1981 to 2001 and in 2011, it reached to it pick point with 40%. in Thailand graduates enrolled to universities started at near 25% i 1961, than the percentage of students enrolling for tertiary education fluctuated throughout the 30 years period and reached at 20% in 1991. From 2001, students going to universities in Thailand sharp increased and reached at it peak point with just about 40% in 2011. Furthermore, pupils attending to tertiary education in Malaysia started at almost 2% in 1961 than the proportion of students enrolling to universities of Malaysia increased gradually and reached to 15% in 1991. than, till 2011 the proportion of graduates enrolling to universities stood at 15%. In Philippines students attending to tertiary education moderately increased and with about 20%, it reached to its pick point. Overall, it can be observed from the graph that students enrolled to universities over the period of six decades with Thailand and Singapore than Malaysia and Philippines.
The line chart illustrates the
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proportion
of
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students
aged 18-25 studying in
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universities
of four
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different
nations
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(
Singapore, Malaysia, Philippines and Thailand) from 1961 to 2011. From the cursory glance, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that majority of
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students
enrolled in
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universities
were in Singapore and Thailand.

To
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begin
with, in 1961, 15%
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students
were enrolled
in
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universities
of Singapore while the
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proportion
of pupils going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
were steady increase over the period of
Don't use the number 'one' with plural words. Did you mean "one decade", "a decade", or simply "decades"?
one decades
and
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reached
to 30% in 1971.
Did you mean "Then"?
than
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
fluctuated from 1981 to 2001 and in 2011, it
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reached
to it pick point with 40%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
Thailand graduates enrolled to
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universities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at near 25% i 1961,
Did you mean "then"?
than
the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
enrolling for tertiary education fluctuated throughout the 30 years period and
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reached
at 20% in 1991. From 2001,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
going to
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universities
in Thailand sharp increased and
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reached
at it peak point with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
about 40% in 2011.

Furthermore
, pupils attending to tertiary education in Malaysia
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at almost 2% in 1961 than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
enrolling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
of Malaysia increased
gradually
and
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reached
to 15% in 1991.
Did you mean "Then"?
than
, till 2011 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of graduates enrolling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
stood at 15%. In Philippines
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
attending to tertiary education
moderately
increased and with about 20%, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reached
to its pick point.

Overall
, it can
be observed
from the graph that
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students
enrolled to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
over the period of six decades with Thailand and Singapore than Malaysia and Philippines.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the percentage of 18-25 year olds in the Universities in four different countries.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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