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The graph below shows the number of library books read by boys and girls at Starmouth School from 2006 to the present.

The graph below shows the number of library books read by boys and girls at Starmouth School from 2006 to the present. wlLd
The graph illustrates some information about one of the libraries in the Starmouth School. There are two trends in the quantities of students who read books differed by gender between 2009 and 2012. According to the diagram, between 2009 and 2010, there has been a slight increase in book numbers readers by males from 50 to 80. Numbers have risen gradually to 100 since 2011. Whereas, there has been a significantly sharp fall to 80, in 2012. However, there have seen different trends among boys and girls in this chart. The number of book readers by girls has increased steadily from 2009 to 2010 in the same way as boys, whereas it has grown distinctly to 100 between 2010 and 2011. Conversely of boy's data, there have been remarkably increasing after 2011 which there had been in an exact number. Overall, there has been an extreme upward trend in books which are read by female students. Even though male students read more books in 2009 and 2010, but finally, they fell to 80 which is lower than the girls in 2012.
The graph illustrates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information about one of the libraries in the
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Starmouth
School. There are two trends in the quantities of students who read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
differed by gender between 2009 and 2012.

According to the diagram, between 2009 and 2010, there has been a slight increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
numbers readers by males from 50 to 80. Numbers have risen
gradually
to 100 since 2011. Whereas, there has been a
significantly
sharp fall to 80, in 2012.

However
, there have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
trends among boys and girls in this chart. The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
readers by girls has increased
steadily
from 2009 to 2010
in the same way
as boys, whereas it has grown
distinctly
to 100 between 2010 and 2011.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Conversely
of boy's data, there have been
remarkably
increasing after 2011 which there had been in an exact number.

Overall
, there has been an extreme upward trend in
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books
which
are read
by female students.
Even though
male students read more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
in 2009 and 2010,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
finally
, they fell to 80 which is lower than the girls in 2012.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the number of library books read by boys and girls at Starmouth School from 2006 to the present.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
181 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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