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the bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did the regular physical activity in 2010.

the bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did the regular physical activity in 2010. MjRk
Different of the bar chart illustrates the percentage of men and women live in Australia in different age groups, doing regular exercise in 2010. the physical activity has been divided into two phase in male and female. start from mil physical activity, where the highest ratio of doing exercise for teenagers between 15 to 20 age group is 52. 8%, while there is gradually decrease around 10% in the age between 25 to 34. where as compared to all the lowest percentage of each group between 34 to 44 do less exercise is 39. 5%, and then after increasing in age gradually increase in exercise also age about 65 or over can do physical activity around 46. 7% in 2010. Lastly, where the group of women do exercise in 2010 age above 65 and over is the lowest ratio, where women can do physical activity only 47. 1%, while between the age group of 45 to 54 middle age can do more exercise compare two older ones is 53. 3%, and then after gradually decrease in descending order from age between 15 to 44.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
of the bar chart illustrates the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in Australia in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, doing regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in 2010.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
has
been divided
into two
Possible agreement error. The noun 'phase' seems to be countable, so consider using: "phases".
phase
in male and female.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
start
from mil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
, where the highest ratio of doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 15 and 20".
between 15 to 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
is 52. 8%, while there is
gradually
decrease around 10% in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 25 and 34".
between 25 to 34
.
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
compared to all the lowest percentage of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 34 and 44".
between 34 to 44
do less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is 39. 5%, and then after increasing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
gradually
increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
about 65 or over can do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
around 46. 7% in 2010.

Lastly
, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of women
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "does"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'do' is not always incorrect.)
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in 2010
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
above 65 and over is the lowest ratio, where women can do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
47. 1%, while between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 45 to 54 middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
can do more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
compare two older ones is 53. 3%, and then after
gradually
decrease in descending order from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 15 and 44".
between 15 to 44
.
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IELTS academic the bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did the regular physical activity in 2010.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
184 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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