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The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the tourist information office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the tourist information office in one city over a six-month period in 2011. 0kL5
Tourism in a city is important because it is one of the city’s biggest incomes. To maintain a stable tourism rate, the city government can improve the quality of tourism by provide support for tourist trips. Tourist information office will helps tourists to explore the city more by answering the tourist questions. Tourists can ask questions through several ways, such as in person, by letter or email, and by telephone. It will inadvertently increase tourists arrival to places which only local people know. The graph above illustrates the number of enquiries received by the tourist information office in one city over six-month period in 2011. The number of tourists who asked questions in person has increased quite drastically over six-month period. It also applied to the number of tourists who asked via telephone. Unfortunately, it was not applied to the number of tourist who asked via letter or email. It was probably because it was inefficient because by doing so, the tourist will get a slower response.
Tourism in a city is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is one of the city’s biggest incomes. To maintain a stable tourism rate, the city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of tourism by provide support for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
trips.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tourist
information office will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "help"
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
to explore the city more by answering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
questions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tourists
can ask questions through several ways, such as in person, by letter or email, and by telephone. It will
inadvertently
increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
arrival to places which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
know.

The graph above illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
received by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
information office in one city over six-month period in 2011. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
who asked questions in person has increased quite
drastically
over six-month period. It
also
applied to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
who asked via telephone. Unfortunately, it was not applied to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
who asked via letter or email. It was
probably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it was inefficient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a slower response.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the tourist information office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
167 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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