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The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the tourist information office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the tourist information office in one city over a six-month period in 2011. ky8W
Vacation is one of the activities that every human need. We can go to other city from our country or go to another country. But when you go for vacation, of course the place that you choose is not the same with the place that you lived in. Maybe you will ask a lot about the information of the place where you at to information place. And this graph below is shows the number of enquiries received by the tourist information office in one city over a six-month period in 2011. The six-month the graph shows is start from January to Juli and it divided with three categories; first is in person, second is by letter or email, third is by telephone. The first category is in person and the graph is always going up over six-month. Second category is by letter or email, it’s the only one categories that the graph is going down. And the last category is by telephone. When the technology is more advanced by year, a lot of people right now is rely more on telephone because the tourist is more easier to get information by call and saving the time without need to go to the information office. Although the graph shows its unstable but in Juli it shows the graph is increased to 1600 enquiries.
Vacation is one of the activities that every human need. We can go to other city from our country or go to another country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when you go for vacation,
of course
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
that you choose is not the same with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
that you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in. Maybe you will ask a lot about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
where you at to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
. And this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
below is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
the number of
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
received by the tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.

The six-month the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
from January to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Juli
and it divided with three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
categories
;
first
is in person, second is by letter or email, third is by telephone. The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
category
is in person and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
is always going up over six-month. Second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
category
is by letter or email, it’s the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
categories
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
is going down. And the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
category
is by telephone. When the technology is more advanced by year,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is
Consider using a past participle here: "relied".
rely
more on telephone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the tourist is
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
by call and saving the time without need to go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
office. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
its unstable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Juli
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
is increased
to 1600
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the tourist information office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
222 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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