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The graph below shows the different home activities among young children in four different countries

The graph below shows the different home activities among young children in four different countries g2JD
The column graph gives information about young children's indoor activities in four different countries (Malaysia, China, Nigeria, Sudan). As can be seen from the diagram, computer games experienced a large proportion of young children, whereas reading activity witnessed the lowest percentage of children in four countries. To begin with, computer games are quite popular among children (from 40% to 60%) in these countries. Interestingly, the proportion of watching TV is the same figure for 30% in four nations. However, board games are picked up by almost a quarter of children in Malaysian and China, while it is the most well-known in Sudan with 30%. Finally, reading activity is not as common as other indoor activities, and the highest ratio of readers in Malaysia 20%. Only 10% of Nigerian and Sudanese children read books, while 15% of Chinese girls and boys interested in the reading activity.
The column graph gives information about young children's indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries (Malaysia, China, Nigeria, Sudan). As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the diagram, computer games experienced a large proportion of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, whereas reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
witnessed the lowest percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in four countries. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, computer games are quite popular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
(from 40% to 60%) in these countries.
Interestingly
, the proportion of watching TV is the same figure for 30% in four nations.
However
, board games
are picked
up by almost a quarter of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in Malaysian and China, while it is the most well-known in Sudan with 30%.
Finally
, reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is not as common as other indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, and the highest ratio of readers in Malaysia 20%.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
10% of Nigerian and Sudanese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
read books, while 15% of Chinese girls and boys interested in the reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the different home activities among young children in four different countries

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
145 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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