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The graph below shows the consumption among men and women in 2015.

The graph below shows the consumption among men and women in 2015. DlMmo
The chart gives us information about the consumption of fast food between males and females in 2015. In the graph there are different age groups of individuals and the amount of daily calories from junk food. It is clear from the graph that mostly there were men between different ages, who consumed more fast food than women. In fact, males at the age from 18 to 34 consumed approximettaly 17 percent of junk food in 2015. However, this number sharply decreased between men at the age from 35 to 64 and accounted approximettaly from 9 to 11 percent. In addition, the males, who consumed the smallest amount of fast food were at the age of 65 and the percentage of their calories were about 5 percent per day. On the other hand, in case of females the numbers were slightly lower than males. In other words, in 2015 women at the age from 18 to 34 consumed exactly 16 percent of junk food every day. However, this number sharply dropped and there were a number of women at the age from 35 to 64, who consumed approximettaly 11 and 9 percent of calories. Finally, the females, who ate the least amount of junk food were at the age of 65 and the percentage of their daily calories accounted 3 percent.
The chart gives us information about the consumption of
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fast
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food
between
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males
and females in 2015.

In the graph there are
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different
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age
groups of individuals and the amount of daily calories from
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junk
food.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the graph that
mostly
there were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
between
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different
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ages
,
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who
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consumed
more
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fast
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food
than women. In fact,
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males
at the
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age
from 18 to 34
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consumed
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approximettaly
17
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percent
of
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junk
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food
in 2015.
However
, this
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number
sharply
decreased between
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men
at the
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age
from 35 to 64 and accounted
Possible spelling mistake found.
approximettaly
from 9 to 11
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percent
.
In addition
, the
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males
,
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who
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consumed
the smallest amount of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
were at the
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age
of 65 and the percentage of their calories were about 5
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percent
per day.

On the other hand
, in case of females the
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numbers
were
slightly
lower than
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males
.
In other words
, in 2015 women at the
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age
from 18 to 34
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consumed
exactly 16
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percent
of
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junk
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food
every day.
However
, this
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number
sharply
dropped and there were a
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number
of women at the
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age
from 35 to 64,
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who
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consumed
Possible spelling mistake found.
approximettaly
11 and 9
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percent
of calories.
Finally
, the females,
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who
ate the least amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
were at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65 and the percentage of their daily calories accounted 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the consumption among men and women in 2015.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
220 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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