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The graph below shows the average monthly use of health club in Miami and Florida by all full-time members over last year. The pie charts show the age profile of male and female members.

The graph below shows the average monthly use of health club in Miami and Florida by all full-time members over last year. The pie charts show the age profile of male and female members. 72x3
The bar chart depicts the numbers of people in male and females used a health club as a full-time member per month in Miami, Florida while the pie charts describe the age profile in two sexes. In general, although the numbers of users varied according to the time in the year, more males than females went to a health club. To specify, after a slight decrease from around 560 to the lowest point of about 520 for the first two months of the year, the number of users who were males rose rapidly to a pick of around 850 in June. After that, this number stayed unchanged in the next three months, and finally, fell continuously to approximately 610 by the end of the year. By comparison, the trend for the females was similar to that of the males, except that the increase in the number of users was not so marked as in the males group. For example, this number was stable at 500 in the first two months and went up gradually to around 700 in three months of the summer, before downward fluctuations between 730 and 520 during the final months. Regarding the pie charts, in both sexes, half of the members were in aged between 21 and 45. Strikingly, only at age 65 and over does the number of members who were women was higher than that of men with 32 percent and 25 percent respectively. To sum up, the number of people who went to a health club depended on the seasons of the year with almost users were at aged between 21 and 45.
The bar chart depicts the
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numbers
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in male and females
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
a health club as a full-time member per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
in Miami, Florida while the pie charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the age profile in two sexes.
In general
, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
varied according to the time in the
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year
, more
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males
than females went to a health club.

To specify, after a slight decrease from around 560 to the lowest point of about 520 for the
first
two
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months
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
who were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
rose
rapidly
to a pick of around 850 in June. After that, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
stayed unchanged in the
next
three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
, and
finally
, fell
continuously
to approximately 610 by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
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year
. By comparison, the trend for the females was similar to that of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
, except that the increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
was not
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so
marked as in the
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males
group.
For example
, this
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number
was stable at 500 in the
first
two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
and went up
gradually
to around 700 in three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
of the summer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
downward fluctuations between 730 and 520 during the final months.

Regarding the pie charts, in both sexes, half of the members were in aged between 21 and 45.
Strikingly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at age 65 and over does the
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number
of members who
Did you mean "where women was"?
were women was
higher than that of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
with 32 percent and 25 percent
respectively
.

To sum up, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who went to a health club depended on the seasons of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
with almost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
were at aged between 21 and 45.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the average monthly use of health club in Miami and Florida by all full-time members over last year. The pie charts show the age profile of male and female members.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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