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the graph below shows the average monthly use of health club

the graph below shows the average monthly use of health club gDmLd
The illustrations show data of average monthly use of male and female health-centre members in Miami and Florida regarding the year 2017 and the ratio based on their gender and age. Overall, more males were active at the health club than females and over half of both gym-goers were in the 21-to-45 age bracket. According to the bar chart, 500 females were initially engaged in going to the health centre, while the number of male attendees was slightly higher by 50. The count remained virtually consistent until the end of April, then took off rapidly throughout June and September. The number of females reached its peak in the months of August and September with 750 members, while that of males climaxed in June and July with 850 attendees. By the end of the year, health club members had declined to approximately three quarters of the peak season, just higher than the initial number of members. The trend in participation is similar in both genders, though the male counterparts showed a steadier plunge in the later months. As the pie chart implies, over half of both genders of the club were between 21 and 45 years old with the female counterparts slightly lower. In the over-65 age group, females were marginally higher in participation. The remaining age groups accounted for approximately one-fifth of the membership count for females and a perfect 20% for males.
The illustrations
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show
data of average monthly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of male and
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female
Possible spelling mistake found.
health-centre
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members
in Miami and Florida regarding the year 2017 and the ratio based on their gender and
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age
.
Overall
, more
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males
were active at the health club than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
and over half of both gym-goers were in the 21-to-45
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
bracket.

According to the bar chart, 500
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
were
initially
engaged in going to the health
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
, while the number of male attendees was
slightly
higher by 50. The count remained
virtually
consistent until the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of April, then took off
rapidly
throughout June and September. The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
reached its peak in the months of August and September with 750
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
, while that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
climaxed in June and July with 850 attendees. By the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the year, health club
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members
had declined to approximately three quarters of the peak season,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
higher than the initial number of
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members
. The trend in participation is similar in both genders, though the male counterparts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a steadier plunge in the later months.

As the pie chart implies, over half of both genders of the club were between 21 and 45 years
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old
with the
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female
counterparts
slightly
lower. In the over-65
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age
group,
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females
were
marginally
higher in participation. The remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups accounted for approximately one-fifth of the membership count for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
and a perfect 20% for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
.
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IELTS academic the graph below shows the average monthly use of health club

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
233 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 5.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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