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Aid to underdeveloped nations by six countries

Aid to underdeveloped nations by six countries JKQbk
The given graph illustrates data about the resources allocated by big six countries for the aid to developing nations between 2008 and 2010, measured in billions of dollars. The US government was the most active in supporting the third world. It provided the most aid during the given period. The estimated figure for the States experienced a slight drop from 22 to 20 billion dollars in 2009, before reaching its peak with 25 billion dollars in 2010. Germany, UK and Japan were the next three major donors whose figures remained between 10 and 15 billion dollars. The former one witnessed continuously rise, while the latter ones’ figure fluctuated moderately. Funds allocated by Netherlands and Sweden was always under 10 billion dollars with the similar changes from 2008 to 2010. Overall, what stands out from the graph is that Germany was the only country with continuous increase, whilst other developed countries’ contributions fluctuated over the period.
The
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given
graph illustrates data about the resources allocated by
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big
six countries for the aid to developing nations between 2008 and 2010, measured in
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billions
of dollars.

The US
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
was the most active in supporting the third world. It provided the most aid during the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period. The estimated figure for the States experienced a slight drop from 22 to 20
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billion
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dollars
in 2009,
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before
reaching its peak with 25
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
in 2010. Germany, UK and Japan were the
next
three major donors whose figures remained between 10 and 15
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billion
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dollars
. The former one witnessed
continuously
rise, while the latter ones’ figure fluctuated
moderately
. Funds allocated
A determiner is probably missing here: "by the Netherlands".
by Netherlands
and Sweden was always under 10
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billion
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dollars
with the similar
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changes
from 2008 to 2010.

Overall
, what stands out from the graph is that Germany was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
country with continuous increase, whilst other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
’ contributions fluctuated over the period.

IELTS academic Aid to underdeveloped nations by six countries

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
155 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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