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The graph below shows how people buy music

The graph below shows how people buy music xm1n6
The line graph illustrates the way people purchase music via online and offline platforms including Streams, Downloads, and CDs from 2011 to 2018, a period of 8 years. Overall, there was a sharp increase in the sales of Streams; whereas, an opposite trend was seen in the music consumption by Downloads and CDs. In 2011, the rate of CDs' sales is the most popular among music shoppers, starting at over 50%. Meanwhile, that of Downloads was about 35% and around 5% came from Streams' revenue. It is clear that there was a markedly opposite change in the percentage of both CDs and Streams' sales from 2012 to 2018. Although the figure of CDs started at the highest level but they quickly fell, finishing at under 30%. Streams purchased saw a great increase, rising by approximately 40%. In sharp contrast to this, the proportion of Downloads sales has an irregular fluctuation, reaching a peak of 42% in a period of the year 2014. However, apart from a quick decrease in the next 4 years to finish at 30%, the lower level at the beginning
The line graph illustrates the way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
music via online and offline platforms including Streams,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Downloads
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
from 2011 to 2018, a period of 8 years.
Overall
, there was a sharp increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of Streams; whereas, an opposite trend was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the music consumption by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Downloads
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
. In 2011, the rate of CDs'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
is the most popular among music shoppers, starting at over 50%. Meanwhile, that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Downloads
was about 35% and around 5% came from Streams' revenue. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that there was a
markedly
opposite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the percentage of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
and Streams'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
from 2012 to 2018. Although the figure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at the highest level
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
quickly
fell, finishing at under 30%. Streams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a great increase, rising by approximately 40%. In sharp contrast to this, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Downloads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
has an irregular fluctuation, reaching a peak of 42% in a period of the year 2014.
However
, apart from a quick decrease in the
next
4 years to finish at 30%, the lower level at the beginning
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IELTS academic The graph below shows how people buy music

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
182 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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