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The graph below shows how elderly people in Europe spent their free time from 1980 to the present

The graph below shows how elderly people in Europe spent their free time from 1980 to the present e3d3p
The given line graph illustrates the information about the percentage of elder took part in five different leisure activities in Europe between 1980 and now. Overall, it can be seen that the proportion of elderly reading and going to the theatre fluctuated during the period while the others experienced an upward trend. The percentage of elderly who participated in hiking climbed and finished the period at the first. In the 1980s, the percentage of elder surfing the Internet increased slightly from about under 10% to approximately 15% in the 2000s, followed by the sharp rise to 50% in the present in comparison to that of hiking increase significantly from 20% in the 1980s to 80% at now. Meanwhile, after rose inconsiderably from 60% to 70% between the 1980s and 2000s, the figure for reading decrease slightly to around 65% in 2010s. The percentage of elder participated in going to theatre and reading showed a fluctuating trend. That of the former decrease considerably from 50% to 30% in the first 20 years before the slight increase of 10% (to 40% ) in the 2000s while the figure for the latter rose inconsiderable from 30% to 40% between 1980s and 1990s before dropped sharply to 20% in 2000s. While the percentage of elderly going to theatre rise slightly to about 45%, that of the other show a dramatic increase to 60%
The
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given
line graph illustrates the information about the
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percentage
of elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
leisure activities in Europe between 1980 and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the proportion of elderly reading and going to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
fluctuated during the period while the others experienced an upward trend. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of elderly who participated in hiking climbed and finished the period at the
first
.

In the 1980s, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of elder surfing the Internet increased
slightly
from about under 10% to approximately 15% in the 2000s, followed by the sharp rise to 50% in the present
in comparison
to that of hiking increase
significantly
from 20% in the 1980s to 80% at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. Meanwhile, after rose
Possible spelling mistake found.
inconsiderably
from 60% to 70% between the 1980s and 2000s, the figure for reading decrease
slightly
to around 65%
The article is probably missing here: "in the 2010s".
in 2010s
.

The
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percentage
of elder participated in going to
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
and reading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a fluctuating trend. That of the former decrease
considerably
from 50% to 30% in the
first
20 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the slight increase of 10% (to 40%
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
in the 2000s while the figure for the latter rose inconsiderable from 30% to 40% between 1980s and 1990s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
dropped
sharply
to 20%
The article is probably missing here: "in the 2000s".
in 2000s
. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of elderly going to
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
rise
slightly
to about 45%, that of the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a dramatic increase to 60%

IELTS academic The graph below shows how elderly people in Europe spent their free time from 1980 to the present

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
228 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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