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the bar chart below compare water usage in san diego, california and the rest of worldwide

the bar chart below compare water usage in san diego, california and the rest of worldwide 7LQG5
The given chart demonstrates the amount of water consumption by San Diego County, California and with the rest of the Worldwide. According to the data, it could be seen that the world's agricultural water consumption is higher than by homes and by industry, while that of San Diego County and California is the opposite. Water is used in San Diego County and California displayed broadly similar. The amount of water used in households in both counties is the highest, that is San Diego County with 60% and in California is 39%, respectively. While California's agricultural water consumption is 28% more than twice that of San Diego County. The last is the number of water used in the industry of California and San Diego County at 33% and 23%, respectively. There is a big difference in the water used in the rest of the world. The water used in agriculture is nearly 70%, 3 times more than in production and more than 8 times in residential.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
chart demonstrates the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
consumption by San Diego County, California and with the rest of the Worldwide.

According to the data, it could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the world's agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
consumption is higher than by homes and by industry, while that of San Diego County and California is the opposite.

Water is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in San Diego County and California displayed
broadly
similar. The amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in households in both counties is the highest,
that is
San Diego County with 60% and in California is 39%,
respectively
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
California's agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
consumption is 28% more than twice that of San Diego County. The last is the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the industry of California and San Diego County at 33% and 23%,
respectively
.

There is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
difference in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the rest of the world. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in agriculture is
nearly
70%, 3 times more than in production and more than 8 times in residential.
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IELTS academic the bar chart below compare water usage in san diego, california and the rest of worldwide

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
165 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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