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The graph below gives information on the performance of a train company in October and November in 2008.

The graph below gives information on the performance of a train company in October and November in 2008. 68d3
The graph illustrate the performance of train company in 2008 for the month of October and November. Overall, it can be seen that there is variation in proportion of cancellation and train running late. Additionally, the first week of November shows the spike in both. During the first week of October 20% of twins were late, this was slightly increased to 10% in week two. Then, up to the fourth week of October there is a significant decline to 5%. Thereafter the 50% of trains were again till second week of November. However by the third week of same month 15% rains were less late as compared to last week On the contrary, the train cancelled during first week of October increased from 1% to 7% and then dropped back to 1% in third week. On the fourth week of October it raised to 3% while within first week of November it fall to 1% again. Furthermore, there is increase in cancellation till week two of November which decreased to 4% from 6% in third week of November.
The graph
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "illustrates".
illustrate
the performance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in 2008 for the month of October and November.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there is variation in proportion of cancellation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
running late.
Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
of November
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the spike in both.

During the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
of October 20% of twins were late, this was
slightly
increased to 10% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
two. Then, up to the fourth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
of October there is a significant decline to 5%.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thereafter
the 50% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
were again till second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
of November.
However
by the third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
of same month 15% rains were less late as compared to last week

On the contrary
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
cancelled during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
of October increased from 1% to 7% and then dropped back to 1% in third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
. On the fourth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
of October it raised to 3% while within
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
of November it
Did you mean "falls"?
fall
to 1% again.
Furthermore
, there is increase in cancellation till
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
two of November which decreased to 4% from 6% in third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
of November.
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IELTS academic The graph below gives information on the performance of a train company in October and November in 2008.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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