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the graph below gives information about the technology that households in one US city

the graph below gives information about the technology that households in one US city p5jA0
The line chart represents how the number of domestics in a US town use four common technologies for watching TV changed over a period of 10 years. Generally, there was an upward trend in the use of internet and satellite while the other two types of technology showed a sharp decrease in the same time. It can be seen from the graph that the number of households used internet was the lowest in the beginning of the period. However, this figure rose dramatically by nearly 20, 000 in two years later, before continue having a rapid increase to reach a peak and become the most popular technology in 2014 almost 200, 000 households. Another upward trend – satellite experienced a stable growth from 70, 000 to approximately 120, 000 households over the 10 years period. On the contrary, broadcast started at the highest in 2004 with 100, 000 households, then this data dropped considerably and come to be the least favourite at the end of the period. Simillary, cable commenced at over 80, 000. Although the figure saw a slight increase by around 20, 000 households, this number dipped moderately, becoming the second lowest in 2014.
The line chart represents how the number of domestics in a US town
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
four common technologies for watching TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
over a period of 10 years.

Generally
, there was an upward trend in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of internet and satellite while the other two types of technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a sharp decrease in the same time.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graph that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
households
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
internet was the lowest in the beginning of the period.
However
, this figure rose
dramatically
by
nearly
20, 000 in two years later,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
continue having a rapid increase to reach a peak and become the most popular technology in 2014 almost 200, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
households
. Another upward trend
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
satellite experienced a stable growth from 70, 000 to approximately 120, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
households
over the 10 years period.

On the contrary
, broadcast
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at the highest in 2004 with 100, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
households
, then this data dropped
considerably
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to be the least
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Simillary
, cable commenced at over 80, 000. Although the figure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a slight increase by around 20, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
households
, this number dipped
moderately
, becoming the second lowest in 2014.

IELTS academic the graph below gives information about the technology that households in one US city

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
196 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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