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The graph below gives information about the sales of the three most commonly purchased items in a particular bakery for the year 2014

The line graph details the amount of money that was spent in the bakery over 12 months from January 2014 to December 2014. Three kinds of Bakery’s sales are detailed.   Focusing on money that was paid for pies, it started with the lowest amount in the year at $10000. However, that quantity steadily increased until December when accounted for exactly $40000. Looking at bread and buns sales, the money spent in both bakery did not follow a clear pattern. Bread accounted for $80000 in January. Following this, values went down and went  up through the year. On the other hand, bun’s sales showed $40000 in the first month, that value increased over 4 months. In contrast, sales decreased until December when reported $30000. Overall, it is clear for the data that, pies’ sales can be predicted  over time. Another interesting pattern is that bread’s sales were the most popular bakery during 2014 and the value of its sales always was between 4 and 8 times higher than pies’ sales.  
The line graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
the amount of money that
was spent
in the bakery over 12 months from January 2014 to December 2014. Three kinds of Bakery’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
are detailed
.  

Focusing on money that
was paid
for pies, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with the lowest amount in the year at $10000.
However
, that quantity
steadily
increased until December when accounted for exactly $40000.

Looking at bread and buns
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
, the money spent in both bakery did not follow a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
pattern. Bread accounted for $80000 in January. Following this, values went down and went  up through the year.
On the other hand
, bun’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
$40000 in the
first
month, that value increased over 4 months.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
decreased until December when reported $30000.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
for the data that, pies’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
can
be predicted
  over time. Another interesting pattern is that bread’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
were the most popular bakery during 2014 and the value of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
always was between 4 and 8 times higher than pies’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
.  

IELTS academic The graph below gives information about the sales of the three most commonly purchased items in a particular bakery for the year 2014

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
171 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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