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The graph below gives information about the percentage of tourists to France who visited four different attractions between 1980 and 2010.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of tourists to France who visited four different attractions between 1980 and 2010. AgBae
The line graph compares the number of visitors in four different locations surveyed in France and how these rates changed over a 30-year period, starting from 1980. Overall, there were fluctuations in the proportion of tourists to France in all four different attractions during these years. While Castle and Zoo engaged more visitors after 30 years, the opposite was true for Aquarium. Also, the number of tourists attracted by Festival decreased over the period. Looking at the graph for more details, it can be seen that the percentage of tourists to Zoo fluctuated between 10% and 15% over the early 25 years before going up gradually to 20% in 2010. Whereas, that of Castle increased slowly about 22% in 1985, kept growing up rapidly to reach a peak of almost 45% in 1995 and then witnessed a significant decrease to below 35% in the remaining time. Besides, starting at over 30% in 1980, the proportion of tourists who visited Festival was one and a half times that of Aquarium. It witnessed a strong increase to 35% in 1985 before returning back to 20% in 1990, remaining this number during the next 10 years and finally plunging to less than 10% in 2010. By contrast, that of Festival decreased slowly around 18% at the end of the period.
The line graph compares the number of visitors in four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
locations surveyed in France and how these rates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
30-year
period, starting from 1980.

Overall
, there were fluctuations in the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
to France in all four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
attractions during these years. While Castle and Zoo engaged more visitors after 30 years, the opposite was true for Aquarium.
Also
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
attracted by Festival decreased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the period.

Looking at the graph for more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
to Zoo fluctuated between 10% and 15%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the early 25 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going up
gradually
to 20% in 2010. Whereas, that of Castle increased
slowly
about 22% in 1985,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
growing up
rapidly
to reach a peak of almost 45% in 1995 and then witnessed a significant decrease to below 35% in the remaining time.

Besides
, starting at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
30% in 1980, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
who visited Festival was one and a half times that of Aquarium. It witnessed a strong increase to 35% in 1985
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
Consider using "returning".
returning back
to 20% in 1990, remaining this number during the
next
10 years and
finally
plunging to less than 10% in 2010. By contrast, that of Festival decreased
slowly
around 18% at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.
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IELTS academic The graph below gives information about the percentage of tourists to France who visited four different attractions between 1980 and 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
217 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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