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The graph below depicts the customer growth rate of mobile telephone operators in the UK.

The graph below depicts the customer growth rate of mobile telephone operators in the UK. ABVon
The graph illustrates the consumer growth rate of four telephone operators namely T-mobile, O2, Vodafone and Virgin in the UK from may to october in 2007. Overall, the mobile telephone operator O2 had maximum consumers of around 4. 7% in october 2007 as opposed to Virgin, which had least customer proportion of about 2. 2% in the same month. Despite having the least consumer proportion in october, Virgin telecom operator was the only operator which had positive rate of growth over the mentioned period T-mobile telephone operator started with highest customers of about 5. 5% in may which dropped and reached close to 5% in next month. The customer rate then grew a little in the month of july but then rate fell drastically and reached its lowest of about 3. 4% in october that year. On the other hand, O2 had exactly 5% consumers in may which kept declining till september, after which there was a little spike and consumer rate reached to around 4. 8% in october. Vodafone telecom operator started just below 5% in may month after which the rate pretty much remained stable before falling from july and reaching a low of about 4. 1% in october. Whereas, Virgin telephone operator started with minimum proportion of customes of about 0. 9% in may. The consumer rate then increased proportionately till august after which the rate fell in september. However it saw a rise the very next month where the consumer rate reached about 2. 2%.
The graph illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
growth
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rate
of four
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telephone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
operators
namely
T-mobile, O2, Vodafone and Virgin in the UK from
The month "May" needs to be capitalized.
may
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
october
in 2007.

Overall
, the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
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operator
O2 had maximum
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consumers
of around 4. 7% in
Possible spelling mistake found.
october
2007 as opposed to Virgin, which had
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
customer proportion of about 2. 2% in the same
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month
. Despite having the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
proportion in
Possible spelling mistake found.
october
, Virgin telecom
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operator
was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
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operator
which had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of growth over the mentioned
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
period


T-mobile
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telephone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
operator
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
customers of about 5. 5% in
The month "May" needs to be capitalized.
may
which dropped and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reached
close to 5% in
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
. The customer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
then grew a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
july
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then
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rate
fell
drastically
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reached
its lowest of about 3. 4% in
Possible spelling mistake found.
october
that year.
On the other hand
, O2 had exactly 5%
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consumers
in
The month "May" needs to be capitalized.
may
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
declining till
Possible spelling mistake found.
september
, after which there was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
spike and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reached
to around 4. 8% in
Possible spelling mistake found.
october
.

Vodafone telecom
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operator
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 5% in
The month "May" needs to be capitalized.
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
after which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
pretty much remained stable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
falling from
Possible spelling mistake found.
july
and reaching a low of about 4. 1% in
Possible spelling mistake found.
october
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, Virgin
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telephone
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operator
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with minimum proportion of
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "customs", the plural form of the noun 'custom'?
customes
of about 0. 9% in
The month "May" needs to be capitalized.
may
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
then increased
proportionately
till
The month "August" needs to be capitalized.
august
after which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
fell in
Possible spelling mistake found.
september
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a rise the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
next
It is better to use 'month' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "month when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
month where
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reached
about 2. 2%.
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IELTS academic The graph below depicts the customer growth rate of mobile telephone operators in the UK.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 5.5
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