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The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.

The line graph indicates the amount of user of two different type music choice and pop parade on the web within 15 days. As an overall trend, the number of user to music choice and pop parade were increased at the end of period. However, the number of user to pop parade was lower than music choice at day 12 and day 13. As is presented in the graph, the amount of user of pop parade started at 120 and fluctuated around 150 at day 11. However, at day 12 and day 13, the figure for pop parade was lower than the figure music choice, before increased to 170 at day 15. There was 40 of user to music choice at day 1. Moreover, the number of user to music choice was significantly increase at day 12 and day 13 with 82, 80 respectively. After that, the figure for music choice went down to around 70.
The line graph indicates the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
of two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type
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music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
and pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parade
on the web within 15 days.

As an
overall
trend, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
and pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parade
were increased
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of period.
However
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
to pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parade
was lower than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
at day 12 and day 13.

As
is presented
in the graph, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
of pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parade
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at 120 and fluctuated around 150 at day 11.
However
, at day 12 and day 13, the figure for pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parade
was lower than the figure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
increased to 170 at day 15.

There was 40 of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
at day 1.
Moreover
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
was
significantly
increase at day 12 and day 13 with 82, 80
respectively
. After that, the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
went down to around 70.

IELTS academic The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
156 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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