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Australian household energy use and Australian household greenhouse gas emissions

The pie charts illustrate the portion of energy being used in regular Australian household and the next chart depicts how much the greenhouse gas emissions occur from the energy consumption. It is clear from the chart that most energy used by Australian residences as a form of healing and water healing. Also the most greenhouse effect comes from this two types of energy use. In the first chart both heating and water heating contributes 72% of the energy absorption. By doing so, it emits 47% of greenhouse gas in the nature. Which is just under half of the total portion. All the other sources of energy actually emits more percentage of greenhouse gas than its rates of energy use. As refrigeration, lighting and other appliances produce 14%, 8% and 28% of greenhouse gas respectively from almost half the proportion of their energy consumption. Cooling is used by 2% of Australian residential people confronting 3% of greenhouse gas effect.
The pie
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charts
illustrate the portion of
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energy
being
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used
in regular Australian household and the
next
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chart
depicts how much the
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greenhouse
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gas
emissions occur from the
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energy
consumption. It is
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clear
from the
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chart
that most
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energy
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used
by Australian residences as a form of healing and water healing.
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Also
the most
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greenhouse
effect
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comes
from
Did you mean “these”?
this
two types of
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energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. In the
first
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chart
both heating and water heating contributes 72% of the
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energy
absorption. By doing
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so
, it emits 47% of
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greenhouse
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gas
in the nature.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
is
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just
under half of the total portion. All the other sources of
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energy
actually emits more percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
than its rates of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. As refrigeration, lighting and other appliances produce 14%, 8% and 28% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
respectively
from almost half the proportion of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
consumption. Cooling is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by 2% of Australian residential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
confronting 3% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
effect.
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IELTS academic Australian household energy use and Australian household greenhouse gas emissions

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
158 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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