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The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000.

The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000. WWLe
The below graph compares the changes of birth rates in China and USA from 1920 to 2000. Overall, it is clear that, USA has the highest birth rate over the china, while the graph tends to fluctuate a little ups and downs but decreases eventually in the last years. In 1920, USA has 11 births in the country where after five years it grows to 15. Moreover, in 1945, there has been a major breakdown to the situation that only 5 births are noted in this year. Consequently, it increased the rates of birth in the next five years and has over 15 births in 1950. After this the graph tends to fall down eventually and settles at 7 births in the year 2000. In China, the birth rates are less than USA in 1920 containing 10 births only. But it rises to 15 in 1935 and soar down to 5 in the next five years. In 1950, the graph suddenly rises to 20 births that year then tends to decrease in the following years and settles at 2 births in the year 2000.
The below
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graph
compares the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
of
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birth
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rates
in China and USA from 1920 to 2000.

Overall
, it is
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clear
that, USA has the highest
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birth
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rate
over the china, while the
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graph
tends to fluctuate a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
ups and downs
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but
decreases
eventually
in the last years.

In 1920, USA has 11
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births
in the country where after five years it grows to 15.
Moreover
, in 1945, there has been a major breakdown to the situation that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5
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births
are noted
in this
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year
.
Consequently
, it increased the
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rates
of
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birth
in the
next
five years and has over 15
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births
in 1950. After this the
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graph
tends to fall down
eventually
and settles at 7
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births
in the
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year
2000.

In China, the
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birth
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rates
are less
A determiner is probably missing here: "than the USA".
than USA
in 1920 containing 10
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births
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it rises to 15 in 1935 and soar down to 5 in the
next
five years. In 1950, the
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graph
suddenly
rises to 20
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births
that
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year
then tends to decrease in the following years and settles at 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
births
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2000.

IELTS academic The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
184 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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