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The grap above shows the vaverage monthly use of health club in miami and florida

The grap above shows the vaverage monthly use of health club in miami and florida 7LE82
The illustrations represent the number of full- time male and female members of health centers in Miami and Florida in 2017. Moreover, they give the age distribution of the sexual groups. Overall, men use the health club in 2017 more than women. Moreover, the members joining in the club rise heavily in the summer. The bulk of the entrants were between the age group from 21 to 45. As shown by the bar chart, at the start of the year, female members' usage made up roughly 50% which represented approximately 500 members. While this figure for male members was much higher, it was about 560 people. The number of people who joined these health centres stayed nearly constant until April, then grew significantly from June to September. It increased approximately 300 men and 200 women. The figure of male members taking part in the health club had always been higher than that of females. In contrast, both sexual groups dipped notably and ended up with 510 for females and 610 males. According to the pie charts, the males of the fitness clubs between 21 to 45 years old accounted for almost 55%, while exactly half of the female members were in this period. The 65-year-old men made up one- quarter the club members whereas at this age of women it was 6% higher. The remaining one- fifth of the club members belonged to other age groups.
The illustrations represent the number of full- time male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
centers in Miami and Florida in 2017.
Moreover
, they give the
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age
distribution of the sexual groups.

Overall
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
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health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
in 2017 more than women.
Moreover
, the
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members
joining in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
rise
heavily
in the summer. The bulk of the entrants were between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group from 21 to 45.

As shown by the bar chart, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of the year,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
members' usage made up roughly 50% which represented approximately 500
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. While this figure for male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
was much higher, it was about 560
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. The number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
stayed
nearly
constant until April, then grew
significantly
from June to September. It increased approximately 300
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and 200 women. The figure of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
taking part in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
had always been higher than that of
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females
.
In contrast
, both sexual groups dipped
notably
and ended up with 510 for
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females
and 610 males.

According to the pie charts, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
of the fitness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 21 and 45".
between 21 to 45
years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
accounted for almost 55%, while exactly half of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
were in this period. The 65-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
made up one- quarter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
whereas at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of women it was 6% higher. The remaining one- fifth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
belonged to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups.
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IELTS academic The grap above shows the vaverage monthly use of health club in miami and florida

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
236 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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