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The bar chart illustrates the percentage were estimated by 1000 mature people aged 25 that influence on their modern life performances regarding the

The bar chart illustrates the percentage were estimated by 1000 mature people aged 25 that influence on their modern life performances regarding the gbK7D
The bar chart illustrates the percentage were estimated by 1000 mature people aged 25 that influence on their modern life performances regarding the ten reasons including getting to work, work related worries, children’s future, worries about their own future, new technology, home security, problems with neighbors, noise problems, getting divorced, and moving home. Overall, accommodation is obviously the main reason causing traumatic problems to mature ages when living in contemporary life in contrast with the neighbors issues. Furthermore, it is noticeable that the family foundation significantly impacts the demand of adults. As can be seen, the pressure of grown-up citizens mostly resulted from exchanging residence in contrast with noise problems. Specifically, 80 percent of the elements unhealthy affect 25 years old residence due to that fact that moving house whereas that figure for disturbance issues. Besides accommodation security issues, getting divorced also affected the mental health of mature citizens more than modernistic equipment. To illustrate, 30 percent of citizens aged 25 are manipulated in prevailing times because of judicial separation while the expertise of technology only reached 20 percent which is 10 percent lower in comparison.
The bar chart illustrates the percentage
were estimated
by 1000 mature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aged 25 that influence on their modern life performances regarding the ten reasons including getting to work, work related worries, children’s future, worries about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
future, new technology, home security,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
with neighbors, noise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, getting divorced, and moving home.

Overall
, accommodation is
obviously
the main reason causing traumatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
to mature ages when living in contemporary life
in contrast
with the neighbors issues.
Furthermore
, it is noticeable that the family foundation
significantly
impacts the demand of adults.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, the pressure of grown-up citizens
mostly
resulted from exchanging residence
in contrast
with noise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Specifically
, 80
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of the elements unhealthy affect 25 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
residence due to that fact that moving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
whereas that figure for disturbance issues.

Besides
accommodation security issues, getting divorced
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the mental health of mature citizens more than modernistic equipment. To illustrate, 30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of citizens aged 25
are manipulated
in prevailing times
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of judicial separation while the expertise of technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reached 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
which is 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
lower
in comparison
.
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IELTS academic The bar chart illustrates the percentage were estimated by 1000 mature people aged 25 that influence on their modern life performances regarding the

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
186 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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