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The given process represents the manufacturing way of olive oil. While, whole process divides in different steps, which start from the picking the fruits and end with the storage and sale of final produced olive

The given process represents the manufacturing way of olive oil. While, whole process divides in different steps, which start from the picking the fruits and end with the storage and sale of final produced olive K3w2k
The given process represents the manufacturing way of olive oil. While, whole process divides in different steps, which start from the picking the fruits and end with the storage and sale of final produced olive oil. Overall, There are main seven stages represented in the diagram, Which help to understand the whole manufacturing process. First of all, The fruits which are source of olive oil are picked up from their trees. After, they send for rinsing stage where fruits mix with cold water. In the third step, the mixture of water and fruits of olive oil is smashed on round table by help of smashers. Then, the mixture get converted into either olive paste or stones. also, it may convert in both the form. In the forth stage of process, the final olive oil products are packed in bag with holes. subsequently, they are pressed under external force in the next step. also, it separate out water from oil in the second last stage. Finally, product is ready to store and sale after removing oil from it.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
process represents the manufacturing way of olive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
. While, whole process divides in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
steps, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
from the picking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fruits
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
with the storage and sale of final produced olive oil.

Overall
, There are main seven
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stages
represented in the diagram, Which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to understand the whole manufacturing process.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fruits
which are source of olive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
are picked
up from their trees. After, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
for rinsing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fruits
mix with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
water. In the third step, the mixture of water and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fruits
of olive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
is smashed
on round table by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of smashers. Then, the mixture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
converted into either olive paste or stones.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
also
, it may convert in both the form.

In the forth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
of process, the final olive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
products
are packed
in bag with holes.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
subsequently
, they
are pressed
under external force in the
next
step.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
also
, it
Did you mean "separates"?
separate
out water from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
in the second last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
.
Finally
, product is ready to store and sale after removing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
from it.
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IELTS academic The given process represents the manufacturing way of olive oil. While, whole process divides in different steps, which start from the picking the fruits and end with the storage and sale of final produced olive

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
177 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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