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The given line graph tell us about the time young children spend on watching TV and using computer over a span of time

The given line graph tell us about the time young children spend on watching TV and using computer over a span of time 2bNLw
The given line graph tell us about the time young children spend on watching TV and using computer over a span of time. It can be seen that initially in 2000 TV was most popularly used at 22 hours, On the other hand computer had not yet taken off with usages level being 3 hours a week. it is noticed that the computer usages grew significantly to reach the 15 hours mark by 2003. TV on other hand experienced a slightly fall followed by a fluctuation and by 2003 both TV and computer were equally used at at 15 hours. The computer usages grew relatively to around 22 hours per week in present. In conclusion it can be stated that today computer are more popular.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
us about the time young children spend on watching TV and using computer over a span of time.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
initially
in 2000 TV was most
popularly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
at 22
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
,
On the other hand
computer had not
yet
taken off with usages level being 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a week.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is noticed
that the computer usages grew
significantly
to reach the 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
mark by 2003.

TV on other hand experienced a
You used an adverb ('slightly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('fall') instead of another adjective.
slightly fall
followed by a fluctuation and by 2003 both TV and computer were
equally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
Possible typo: you repeated a word
at at
15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. The computer usages grew
relatively
to around 22
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per week in present.

In
The comma is probably missing here: "conclusion, it".
conclusion it
can
be stated
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
computer are more popular.

IELTS academic The given line graph tell us about the time young children spend on watching TV and using computer over a span of time

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
125 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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