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The given line graph represent the information about the number of books read by the men and women in 2011 and 14 at Burnaby public library.

The given line graph represent the information about the number of books read by the men and women in 2011 and 14 at Burnaby public library. eA58G
Having a quick glance at the line graph it is clearly visualised that number of reader by the men was less as compared to women in beginning of the year but at the last woman dropped and the level of men readers increased in 2011 the men only read 2500 books and showed little increase of 4000 in 2012 however in the year from 2012 to 2013 it showed suden incline from 4006 to 9000 and continuous still 4000 in 2014. Moving forward in the early year rate of women was nearly 5, 000 and after year it increased 8000 while in the 2013 it experienced to be incline about to 10, 000 books then from 2013 to 14 it started for there number of reader in women and stopped near to 8000 at the last. Overall it is demonstrated that both men and women should rise in the beginning of 3 year and then both were admitted and then man started increasing and womens rate of reading showed bad downfall.
Having a quick glance at the line graph it is
clearly
Possible spelling mistake. 'visualised' is British English.
visualised
that number of reader by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
was less
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in beginning of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the last woman dropped and the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
readers increased in 2011 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
read 2500 books and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
increase of 4000 in 2012
however
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
from 2012 to 2013 it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
Possible spelling mistake found.
suden
incline from 4006 to 9000 and continuous
still
4000 in 2014. Moving forward in the early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
was
nearly
5, 000 and after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
it increased 8000 while in the 2013 it experienced to be
Consider using a past participle here: "inclined".
incline
about to 10, 000 books then from 2013 to 14 it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
for there number of reader in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
near to 8000 at the last.
Overall
it
is demonstrated
that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should rise in the beginning of 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
and then both
were admitted
and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
increasing and
Possible spelling mistake found.
womens
rate of reading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
downfall.

IELTS academic The given line graph represent the information about the number of books read by the men and women in 2011 and 14 at Burnaby public library.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
171 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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