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The given line graph compares the proportion of people in five age groups who took part in music concert in a city in the consecutive years from 2010 to 2015.

The given line graph compares the proportion of people in five age groups who took part in music concert in a city in the consecutive years from 2010 to 2015. jDmNX
The given line graph compares the proportion of people in five age groups who took part in music concert in a city in the consecutive years from 2010 to 2015. It is noticeable that the young generation go to the concert more highly than the old generation over the period shown. Also, while the number of people aged 16-to 54-year-olds and aged 75+ who attend the concert increase gradually, the number of people aged group 55-to 64-year-olds falls steadily. Looking at the information in more detail, we can see that the figure for people going to the concert increased rapidly from age groups 16 to 24, 55 to 64 and 75+ between 2010 and 2011. However, the percentage of people going there decreased significantly from ages 45 to 54 and ages 25 to 44 hit a low of 11% in 2011. There was a gradual rise in the proportion of people aged 16 to 24 and reached a peak just 70% in 2015. Also, the figure for groups 24-to 44-year-olds and 45-to 54-year-olds upturned considerably, at 51% and 50% respectively from 2011 to 2015. After reaching a peak in 2011, the figure for people aged 75 and over went down steadily and hit a peak again in 2015, at over 20%. By contrast, the number of 55-to 64-year-olds slightly fell, at 21%.
The
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given
line graph compares the proportion of
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people
in five
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age
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groups
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in music
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concert
in a city in the consecutive years from 2010 to 2015.

It is noticeable that the young generation go to the
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concert
more
highly
than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation over the period shown.
Also
, while the number of
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
16-to 54-year-olds and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
75+ who attend the
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concert
increase
gradually
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
55-to 64-year-olds falls
steadily
.

Looking at the information in more detail, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the figure for
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people
going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
increased
rapidly
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
16 to 24, 55 to 64 and 75+ between 2010 and 2011.
However
, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
going there decreased
significantly
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
45 to 54 and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
25 to 44
Possible agreement error. The noun 'hit' seems to be countable, so consider using: "hits".
hit
a low of 11% in 2011.

There was a gradual rise in the proportion of
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people
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aged
16 to 24 and reached a peak
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just
70% in 2015.
Also
, the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
24-to 44-year-olds and 45-to 54-year-olds upturned
considerably
, at 51% and 50%
respectively
from 2011 to 2015. After reaching a peak in 2011, the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
75 and over went down
steadily
and hit a peak again in 2015, at over 20%. By contrast, the number of 55-to 64-year-olds
slightly
fell, at 21%.
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IELTS academic The given line graph compares the proportion of people in five age groups who took part in music concert in a city in the consecutive years from 2010 to 2015.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
222 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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