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The given graph shows the transport by New Zealand, by tourists in different countries in 2004.

The given graph shows the transport by New Zealand, by tourists in different countries in 2004. YBenQ
The given bar graph depicts the percentage of tourists from British, German, Japanese, Korean and Australian, which used different mode of transport, such as air, coach, car, ferry during 2004. Overall, Japanese give more preference to travel by air, whereas other countries used car for travelling. It is clearly seen that there was the maximum proportion of tourists who prefered to use car for migrating in British. The ratio of those people who liked to travel through coach was approximately same in British and German. There was the gap of 10% tourists who used air transport system as well as German mostly preferred to go through ferry. Japanese was opposite from other countries and had highest ratio of air transport system and lowest percentile of tourists travelled through ferry. Moving further, Korean and Australian tourists gave more preference to move by car and the percentile of tourists from Korean was much more than Australian. There was a gap of nearly 19% tourists from Korean and Australian which used air transport system. 15% of Australian used ferry to migrate.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graph depicts the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
from British, German, Japanese, Korean and Australian, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
mode of
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transport
, such as
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air
, coach,
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car
, ferry during 2004.

Overall
, Japanese give more preference to travel by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
, whereas other countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
for travelling.

It is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there was the maximum proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
who
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "preferred", the past tense form of the verb 'prefer'?
prefered
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
for migrating in British. The ratio of those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who liked to travel through coach was approximately same in British and German. There was the gap of 10%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
system
as well
as German
mostly
preferred to go through ferry. Japanese was opposite from other countries and had
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
system and lowest percentile of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
travelled through ferry.

Moving
further
, Korean and Australian
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tourists
gave more preference to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
and the percentile of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
from Korean was much more than Australian. There was a gap of
nearly
19%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
from Korean and Australian which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
system. 15% of Australian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
ferry to migrate.
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IELTS academic The given graph shows the transport by New Zealand, by tourists in different countries in 2004.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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