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The diagram details the process of making wool

The diagram details the process of making wool ElX23
The images provide information on the thorough process of making garments and home textiles out of raw materials. It is shown that it requires multiple steps to finally produce balls of yarn for making different types of clothing and furnishings. From the data provided, it could be seen that the process begins when the fleece of the sheep is sheared. Afterwards, it needs to be cleaned and dried before eventually spun with a spinning frame, producing balls of string, which then could be recycled. Meanwhile, the spinning process could produce wool that is going to be put together for making tufts of wools. Thereafter, some of the textiles are turned into balls of yarn, while the rest are stored. Lastly, the yarn could be manufactured into consumer retail items such as jackets and carpets. Overall, it could be concluded that there are three main procedures involved in making a variety of textile products. From preparing the raw materials as the initial process, making tufts of wool as the middle stage, and manufacturing yarn and finished textile products as the final stage.
The images provide information on the thorough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
of making garments and home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
textiles
out of raw materials. It
is shown
that it requires multiple steps to
finally
produce balls of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
yarn
for making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of clothing and furnishings.

From the data provided, it could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
when the fleece of the sheep
is sheared
. Afterwards, it needs to
be cleaned
and dried
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
eventually
spun with a spinning frame, producing balls of string, which then could
be recycled
. Meanwhile, the spinning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
could produce wool
that is
going to
be put
together for making tufts of
Possible spelling mistake found.
wools
. Thereafter,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
textiles
are turned
into balls of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
yarn
, while the rest
are stored
.
Lastly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
yarn
could
be manufactured
into consumer retail items such as jackets and carpets.

Overall
, it could
be concluded
that there are three main procedures involved in making a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
textile
products. From preparing the raw materials as the initial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
, making tufts of wool as the middle stage, and manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
yarn
and finished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
textile
products as the final stage.

IELTS academic The diagram details the process of making wool

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
181 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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