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The given graph illustrates the proportion of tourists that visited four different

The given graph illustrates the proportion of tourists that visited four different XyoPr
INTRODUCTION: The given graph illustrates the proportion of tourists that visited four different attractions in Edinburgh during their vacation in Scotland over the period of 30 years starting from 1980. OVERVIEW: Overall, it is clear that the Castle is the most popular attraction in Edinburgh throughout the period. Also, while the percentage of people visiting the Aquarium and the Festival witnessed a downward trend, the percentage of visitors going to the Castle and the Zoo increased gradually. BODY 1: From 1980 to 1995, the proportion of tourists who visited the Castle rose significantly and hit the highest point of 45%. However, from the year 1995, there a slight decrease to 30% in the ratio of community vistiting the Castle (the proportion of people visiting the Castle started to decrease slightly to about 30%). The proportion of people that went to the Zoo witnessed a slight fluctuation. By 2000, the percentage of visitors going to the Zoo increased gradually to 20%. BODY 2: In 1985, the chunk of people who visited the Aquarium rose dramatically to 35%. Over the following 25 years, the percentage of travelers going to the Aquarium declined gradually to about 8%. The proportion of visitors who went to the Festival dropped slightly to around 26% throughout the period.
INTRODUCTION:

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
graph illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of tourists that visited four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
attractions in Edinburgh during their vacation in Scotland over the period of 30 years starting from 1980.

OVERVIEW:

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the Castle is the most popular attraction in Edinburgh throughout the period.
Also
, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visiting the Aquarium and the Festival witnessed a downward trend, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of visitors going to the Castle and the Zoo increased
gradually
.

BODY 1:

From 1980 to 1995, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of tourists who visited the Castle rose
significantly
and hit the highest point of 45%.
However
, from the year 1995, there a slight decrease to 30% in the ratio of community
Possible spelling mistake found.
vistiting
the Castle (the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visiting the Castle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to decrease
slightly
to about 30%). The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that went to the Zoo witnessed a slight fluctuation. By 2000, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of visitors going to the Zoo increased
gradually
to 20%.

BODY 2:

In 1985, the chunk of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who visited the Aquarium rose
dramatically
to 35%. Over the following 25 years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of travelers going to the Aquarium declined
gradually
to about 8%. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of visitors who went to the Festival dropped
slightly
to around 26% throughout the period.
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IELTS academic The given graph illustrates the proportion of tourists that visited four different

Academic
  American English
8 paragraphs
211 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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