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The given graph gives information about the number of men and women who died because of random disease in 1999 to 2004

The given graph gives information about the number of men and women who died because of random disease in 1999 to 2004 25ANk
The rendered bar graph depicts the number of deaths of men and women caused by the random disease over the period of six years from 1999 to 2000. Overall it is clear that minimum death rate of men and women was in 2004 whereas maximum death rate of men and women was in 2002 and 1999 respectively. To begin with, in 1999, the death rate of women was 1800000 which was the highest number of women deaths, while in 2004 the number of women deaths was 100000 which was the minimum throughout the period. In 2002 and 2000 the death rate of women was almost equal accounted for about 1500000. In 2001the number of women deaths was 2000000 and this number was doubled in 2003. Moreover, the maximum number of men deaths was 1800000 in 2002 which was the similar to the women deaths rate in 1999. In 2004, death rate was almost equal to women deaths rate. In 1999, 2000 and 2001 the number of men deaths was 1400000, 1200000 and 1300000 respectively. 500000 men died in 2003.
The rendered bar graph depicts the
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number
of deaths of
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men
and
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women
caused by the random disease over the period of six years from 1999 to 2000.
Overall
it is
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clear
that minimum death
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rate
of
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men
and
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women
was in 2004 whereas maximum death
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rate
of
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men
and
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women
was in 2002 and 1999
respectively
. To
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begin
with, in 1999, the death
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rate
of
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women
was 1800000 which was the highest
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number
of
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women
deaths, while in 2004 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
deaths was 100000 which was the minimum throughout the period. In 2002 and 2000 the death
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rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
was almost equal accounted for about 1500000. In 2001the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
deaths was 2000000 and this
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number
was doubled
in 2003.
Moreover
, the maximum
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number
of
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men
deaths was 1800000 in 2002 which was the similar to the
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women
deaths
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rate
in 1999. In 2004, death
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rate
was almost equal to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
deaths
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rate
. In 1999, 2000 and 2001 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
deaths was 1400000, 1200000 and 1300000
respectively
. 500000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
in 2003.
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IELTS academic The given graph gives information about the number of men and women who died because of random disease in 1999 to 2004

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
179 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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