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The given graph details the density of workforce in various sectors in the USA from 1930 to 2010.

The given graph details the density of workforce in various sectors in the USA from 1930 to 2010. n1EqR
The given graph details the density of workforce in various sectors in the USA from 1930 to 2010. In general, some working majors witnessed a slight increase over a span of 80 years, while the agricultural one (farming, fishing, and foresting) registered a continual downward trend. Observing closely the data, it is lucid that the agricultural sector was affected by a downhill number of workers. In particular, in 1930, this job was highly popular among US citizens as it attracted a total of almost 80 million people. However, the figure started to lose momentum and declined slowly to precisely 60 million in 1970, then rapidly to merely 5 million in 2010. This indicates that the US had lost interest in agriculture. Meanwhile, almost all other sectors started to thrive as they rose up to different values over the 80-year period. For instance, the technical industry, which commenced at number 0, climbed steadily to about 30 million in 2010. The same trend can be applied to sales and office that went from under 10 million to exactly 20 million. As for industrial production, despite being founded 10 years late compared to its competitors, it soared radically to slightly under 40 million in 2010, which made it the most developed sector. Finally, regarding other services, they stabilized at roughly 10 million over the course of 80 years.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
the density of workforce in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
in the USA from 1930 to 2010.

In general
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
working majors witnessed a slight increase over a span of 80 years, while the agricultural one (farming, fishing, and foresting) registered a continual downward trend.

Observing
closely
the data, it is lucid that the agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by a downhill number of workers.
In particular
, in 1930, this job was
highly
popular among US citizens as it attracted a total of almost 80
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
However
, the figure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to lose momentum and declined
slowly
to
precisely
60
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 1970, then
rapidly
to
merely
5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 2010. This indicates that the US had lost interest in agriculture.

Meanwhile, almost all other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to thrive as they rose up to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
values over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
80-year
period.
For instance
, the technical industry, which commenced at number 0, climbed
steadily
to about 30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 2010. The same trend can
be applied
to sales and office that went from under 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
to exactly 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
. As for industrial production, despite
being founded
10 years late compared to its competitors, it soared
radically
to
slightly
under 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 2010, which made it the most developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
.
Finally
, regarding other services, they stabilized at roughly 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
over the course of 80 years.
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IELTS academic The given graph details the density of workforce in various sectors in the USA from 1930 to 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
225 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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