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The given diagram illustrates the number of adults taking part in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017.

The given diagram illustrates the number of adults taking part in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017. lXeg1
The given diagram illustrates the number of adults taking part in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017. Overall, gentle walking was the most popular sport in both 1997 and 2017. This major sport showed about five thousand participant increase in 20-year period. However the number of basketball players in 1997 was the least with under 10000. In 2017, this number increased by 15000 which was the highest change among all seven major sports. In detail, jogging and gym didn't show remarkable difference on the number of players through the period and remained still around 350000 participants. On the other hand in 1997 football and hiking were as popular as jogging and gym. Furthermore in 2017, the number of adults who participated in football and hiking majors enlarged by 14000 and became approximately 48000. Unlike other sports cricket showed great decrease in numbers. Though cricket game played by 27000 adults in 1997, this number decreased in 20 years and become the less played sport with around 6000 participants.
The
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given
diagram illustrates the
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number
of adults taking part in
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different
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major
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sports
in one area, in 1997 and 2017.

Overall
, gentle walking was the most popular
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sport
in both 1997 and 2017. This
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major
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sport
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showed
about five thousand participant increase in 20-year period.
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However
the
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number
of basketball players in 1997 was the least with under 10000. In 2017, this
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number
increased by 15000 which was the highest
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change
among all seven
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major
sports.

In detail, jogging and gym didn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
remarkable difference on the
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number
of players through the period and remained
still
around 350000 participants.
On the other hand
in 1997 football and hiking were as popular as jogging and gym.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
in 2017, the
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number
of adults who participated in football and hiking
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majors
enlarged by 14000 and became approximately 48000. Unlike other
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sports
cricket
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
great decrease in
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numbers
. Though cricket game played by 27000 adults in 1997, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
decreased in 20 years and become the less played
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sport
with around 6000 participants.
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IELTS academic The given diagram illustrates the number of adults taking part in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
171 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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