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THE GIVEN CHART SHOW THE PERCENTAGE OF EXPENSES IN TWO COUNTRIES IN 2010.

THE GIVEN CHART SHOW THE PERCENTAGE OF EXPENSES IN TWO COUNTRIES IN 2010. j8BNM
THE PIE CHART ILLUSTRATES THE COMPARISON OF EXPENDITURE ON FIVE COMMODITIES (HOUSING, TRANSPORT, FOOD, HEALTH CARE AND OTHER GOODS) IN JAPAN AND MALAYSIA IN 2010. THE UNITS ARE MEASURED IN PERCENTILE. OVERALL, THE MEDIAN INDIVIDUALS OF JAPAN SPEND THE MOST ON OTHER GOOD WHEREAS, IN MALAYSIA PEOPLE SPEND THE HIGHEST AMOUNT ON HOUSING. HELATH CARE IS THE LEAST SPENT INDUSTRY IN BOTH NATIONS. IT CAN BE CLEARLY SEEN THAT, THE PERCENT OF OTHER SERVICES IS ON PEAK WITH 29% IN JAPAN ON THE CONTRARY, AVERAGE JAPANESE SPEND THE HIGHEST ON HOUSING INDUSTRIES. FOOD IS ACCOUNTED FOR 24% AND 27% IN JAPAN AND MALAYSIA RESPECTIVELY. MASSES IN MALAYSIA SPENDS ON GOODS IS AROUND ONE FOURTH OF TOTAL. MOREOVER, THE SPENDING ON HOUSING BY JAPANESE CITIZENS IS MORE THAN ONE FIFTH OF TOTAL. THE PIE FURTHER COLLATE THAT, EXPENDITURE ON HEALTH IS THE LEAST SPENING COMMODITY AS COMPARED TO REST OF PRODUCT IN BOTH REGIONS WITH 6% AND 3% IN JAPAN AND MALAYSIA. AS FAR AS TRANSPORTATION IS CONCERNED IT IS STATED AS 20% IN JAPAN AND 10% IN MALAYSIA.
THE PIE CHART ILLUSTRATES THE COMPARISON OF EXPENDITURE ON FIVE COMMODITIES (HOUSING, TRANSPORT, FOOD, HEALTH CARE AND OTHER
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOODS
) IN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
JAPAN
AND MALAYSIA IN 2010. THE UNITS
ARE MEASURED
IN PERCENTILE.

OVERALL
, THE MEDIAN INDIVIDUALS OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
JAPAN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPEND
THE MOST ON OTHER
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOOD
WHEREAS, IN MALAYSIA
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPEND
THE HIGHEST AMOUNT ON HOUSING.
Possible spelling mistake found.
HELATH
CARE IS THE LEAST SPENT INDUSTRY IN BOTH NATIONS.

IT CAN BE
CLEARLY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SEEN
THAT, THE PERCENT OF OTHER SERVICES IS ON PEAK WITH 29% IN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
JAPAN
ON THE CONTRARY
, AVERAGE JAPANESE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPEND
THE HIGHEST ON HOUSING INDUSTRIES. FOOD
IS ACCOUNTED
FOR 24% AND 27% IN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
JAPAN
AND MALAYSIA
RESPECTIVELY
. MASSES IN MALAYSIA
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPENDS
ON
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOODS
IS AROUND ONE FOURTH OF TOTAL.
MOREOVER
, THE SPENDING ON HOUSING BY JAPANESE CITIZENS IS MORE THAN ONE FIFTH OF TOTAL.

THE PIE
FURTHER
COLLATE THAT, EXPENDITURE ON HEALTH IS THE LEAST
Possible spelling mistake found.
SPENING
COMMODITY AS COMPARED TO REST OF PRODUCT IN BOTH REGIONS WITH 6% AND 3% IN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
JAPAN
AND MALAYSIA. AS FAR AS TRANSPORTATION
IS CONCERNED
IT
IS STATED
AS 20% IN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
JAPAN
AND 10% IN MALAYSIA.

IELTS academic THE GIVEN CHART SHOW THE PERCENTAGE OF EXPENSES IN TWO COUNTRIES IN 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 5.5
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